A lot of times when we're new to setting boundaries we tend to lean on apologetic language. Saying things like "I'm sorry, I can't..." or "I'm sorry, but..." etc.
The truth is, you don't have to apologize for your boundaries. Boundaries are your protective layer, your covering to ensure your energy stays as you see fit. That's not something to apologize for but we use apology as a way to soften the blow of the word no or avoid heated conversations. There's always gonna be a tension between you and the people you say no to if they are not healed individuals who understand you have the right to decline. They don't respect your boundary, so they will spin your apology into guilt, trying get you to do what they want you to do anyway. So, instead of focusing on apologizing, focus on acknowledging their request and reiterating that boundary. You can achieve this by using 'And Statements'.
And Statements reinforce the idea that both things can be true and someone else's problem, emergency, preference, etc. DOES NOT have to change your boundaries.
For example, a family member says 'If you truly supported me, you would call out of work to attend my event.' But you know taking off work will effect you financially. Instead of starting your declining statement with 'I'm sorry', start your statement with reiterating the request, then adding AND to reinstate your boundary.
Example: "I understand this event is important to you AND I cannot miss work. How else can I show my support for you before or after my shift?"
This gives respect to the original request instead of using an apology that has no directive while maintaining your no. In most cases it keeps the other person from feeling neglected or as if their request wasn't heard (and reduces escalated conversations). You can hear someone's request, acknowledge it, love them deeply AND the answer can still be no. Both things can be true. Stop letting the fear of confrontation relocate your boundaries.
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