Yes you read that right. 30 days straight of sexual activities…
I know your first question is either why and what they hell for? Or, sounds like my kinda fun, how did ya pull that off? Lemme explain.
I have always felt that pleasure in life had to be earned, even before I was having sex. In my childhood, pleasure of any kind was here one day and then gone tomorrow. There were times when my family was abundant and well then other times where we completely struggled and had the lights turned off. Somewhere along the way, while constantly being sandwiched between restrictive religion and the struggles of the adults around me, I picked up the concept that good things only happen here and there and when things aren’t good, you need to struggle to make them good again. This created a suffrage and martyrdom in my life that didn’t service me. I put limitations on how much I could enjoy something in my life based on random ass self-defined markers of success. If my finances were together, if I was doing well at work, whether I was eating healthy or not… whatever thing I could measure my worth with, I would. Then, if I met my own high standards, I would let myself have fun or experience some pleasure. Emphasis on some, because even when I did have fun, I would put a cap on how much fun I had and then say, "Okay, let me stop because I have to earn more fun…”. Even though I was longing for the joy I experienced from activities sex, treating myself to dinner, watching a sunset, etc. I would go back to depriving myself of the very things that make me happy because joy needs sacrifice in order to happen… or so I thought. I thought this was how I would get to my goals faster. If I wasn’t always having fun, it would force me to work harder, so I could earn the right to enjoy life again.
Throughout the years, this false narrative began to affect my personal peace and sex life more than anything. I am a person who experiences healing and revelations through sex. I see it as a spiritual experience (because it is) and a way to connect to higher states of consciousness, just like meditation or prayer. In my life, sex has always been a self-discovery/self-love practice, a stress reliever, a sleep aid, a midday refresher and so many other things. But even with all the reasons I valued sex, I would cap my enjoyment in that area as well. Saying things like ‘I can’t have sex today, I just had some yesterday’ but in reality, who is counting and clocking how much sex I have? Why do I only get to enjoy it yesterday and not today as well? Or tomorrow, for that matter…
Back in December of 2022, I was on the phone with one of my best friends of over 20 years and I was telling her how much I would love to take some time to have some good sex, smoke a blunt and relax because I was having such a stressful week financially. When she asked me what was in my way of doing so, I said that I felt like I had too many bills to pay and I was still trying to rebuild my finances. I was bringing myself to tears discussing how undeserving I was of pleasure in that moment and how I should wait until I apply for more jobs or do more of whatever thing I was placing high value in before I could enjoy myself. I’ll never forget the way she paused in confused silence before yelling through the phone, “Bitch! Sex is free! What the fuck are you talking about?!” I instantly laughed with tears in my eyes. In my right mind, I know sex and pleasure in general can be free but I had made them so expensive because I felt financially insecure in other ways. I subconsciously made myself believe sex was out of my budget and ‘broke people like me’ shouldn’t be wasting time on feeling good.
*Side note, NEVER call yourself broke… you are not broken, you will rise again. So speak life & not death over your situation. If you’re struggling financially, say that, but don’t refer to yourself as broken. We are abundant royal beings and calling abundance into our lives requires speaking in abundance. Remember that.
Anyways, after listening to me cry as I belittle myself, my friend said ‘... maybe you should challenge yourself to 30 days of sex and/or pleasure in general, without judgment… that way, you can retrain your mind and stop feeling all this guilt’. At that moment, I said yes and began my 30 day journey. I cannot wait to share the details in video form about my full 30 day experience (coming later this week to my YouTube and the GC website). If I typed it all here, this blog would turn into a 10+ page essay. So, in the meantime, ask yourself if there’s any area of your life where you are depriving yourself of pleasure?
Is there any activity that you absolutely LOVE but find it hard to make a priority? How can you fit that activity into your day, week, month, etc.? Even if you have to schedule time for that thing, it’s worth your overall quality of life to do it. Don’t feel weird or embarrassed about using YOUR OWN TIME for YOUR OWN PLEASURE. The only reason you feel halfway weird or uncomfortable now is because someone or something in your environment has preprogrammed you to feel that way. You have to break away from who you were told you should be in order to find out who you really are. The more I discover who Tiffany is, the more I take hold of my sensual and sexual energy. I’m definitely building a hedonistic lifestyle intentionally and every time I add a metaphorical brick to the lifestyle, I feel more alive. I’m not doing it to be controversial or unholy. I’m doing it to heal, to allow myself pleasure/joy and solidify this new mindset so I never return to the limiting beliefs that stifled me.
See you in my upcoming YouTube video.
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